I find myself broken and wondering of late. I can feel that there are pieces of me missing and flawed, taken and damaged. I stay up at night trying to find some sliver of peace and happiness in the desert I find myself in. I find my mind running in a dozen different directions, passing from thought to thought faster than I can keep up. I am broken and shattered, how do I go on?
The question is an internal one, a battle with myself and God. How do I survive, how do I live, when the world seems to be pressing down on me and everything is falling apart? It has been five years since I came out of a very dark place, accepting Jesus Christ as my saviour and giving my life to Him as a living sacrifice. Yet, with The Spirit within me and God at my back, I find myself in a deeper darkness than I thought imaginable. Did I do something wrong? Did I mess up so greatly? It feels as if I am being punished, as if all I hold dear is being ripped from me. We see Abraham's faith being tested by God when he is called to sacrifice his son that he treasures. Maybe that is what this is, maybe God is challenging my faith and making sure that I put Him first above all else. If so I have either failed severely or He is testing me to my very limits, stretching them as He goes.
I cannot help but dwell on the empty feeling inside of me though. I have lost several, dear pieces of myself and I do not know how to act normal when I am crumbling inside. I cannot do it anymore. I foresaw that I would hit a low, but I underestimated the severity of the brokenness. I feel as if there is nothing to live for anymore, yet I know that is so far from the truth. I have so many beautiful blessing to be thankful for and to live for. My head and heart are constantly battling between what I want and feel and what I know and believe.
It is good to get a change of perspective though, to see the world in such a different light. I have a big, incredible family to be grateful for. I have beautiful sisters that I have been dearly blessed with. I have close friends who will walk through the valleys with me. I have a God that protects and empowers me. But for all that is there I cannot help but see the pieces that are missing in my heart. Torn, so unceremoniously from my life, I do not know how to live without what was taken. How do you live without what completes you and makes you happy? How do I continue on when I no longer have that which made me who I am?
The answer is a simple, yet difficult, one: I shall thrive in the darkness as I draw on God and look at the beauty of the world He has created, trusting in Him to lead the way and fill me with His perfect Spirit. It is a solution I see but do not fully understand how to reach. I have been crying out for release and guidance, wrestling with God, yet I still feel so lost and broken at times. But I trust Him, I trust His guidance.
I think it is time I go off grid and come to grips with what is going on in my life. I need to find Him in this or I will wonder forever. I need to get my head right before I can live the life He has called me to.
To those few who have been there for me during this time: Thank you, you have kept me from completely falling apart, it means a lot to me.
I love you always.
Jem.
P.S. Some of this was inspired by a great man, Jefferson Bethke, and a video he made. If you would like to see it you can find it here, it may do you some good if you are struggling.
Thursday, November 12, 2015
Thursday, November 05, 2015
Being Lost
There are defining moments in life that change the course of our lives forever. It is in these moments, as our lives come down to a big decision or an incident, that so much hangs in the balance. It is in these moments that our lives can be changed drastically, our futures rewritten.
I can think of two such moments in my life: the first when I moved to Cape Town and the second when I a become a born-again Christian and chose to live my life for God. I can put them into a calm sentence but both were very turbulent times in my life, when it felt as if the floor was falling out underneath me at times. I think that these moments hold such power in our lives, when we are at our lowest and allow God to build us up in a better way. Sometimes you actually just need to start again. You can move cities fairly easily, start going to church pretty simply, but the raw frenzy going on inside you is something else entirely. In order to change who you are you need to lose, or in some cases destroy, who you were. You may disagree with me, that's perfectly okay. I am still a teenager, though just, and there is every possibility that I am wrong. Seldom are times of big change simple and easy though.
It is in one of these moments that I find myself now. I thought I felt it earlier in the year but it didn't quite happen, everything sort of settled for a while. As the whirlwinds race around me now I see that I am here again, at a stormy crossroads in life, a position to have so much change and grow. This morning I was thinking about how much I grew the last time this happened, how I properly joined the church and devoted myself to Christ. I do not know what is in store for me but as I see the storms around me I know that there is great potential here. There may be more pain and sadness than I know how to deal with at times but I am ecstatic with where this could be taking me. It is not easy to navigate rapids but it is a rush, and the afterwards it was worth every second of it.
I would like to take this time to apologise to everyone I have hurt or wronged during this time, you know who you are. This year has been a very difficult and crazy time for me and I have not treated many people as I ought to have. I know it doesn't excuse what I did but I would like you to understand the situation and know that it was not intentional to hurt or wrong you, I am sorry where I have done so. I am not out of this yet either though, so please bare with me as I struggle and grow through this. If I continue to offend you or hurt you please just stay away from me, I do not see what I do all the time and I do in unintentional.
I wrote the first part of the blog a few weeks ago, unsure of how to complete it and if I should post it. The point of these ramblings are mainly to help clear my mind and focus my thoughts. I, therefor, will not delete any of what I have said. I will, however, add some more information to update those of you who have an interest in my life.
Over the course of the last month a lot has transpired. To put it bluntly, as I have no interest in making things look pretty at the moment, I have lost my job, been removed from leading the youth ministry, and have had someone I care very dearly for taken from my life. I make it sound worse than it really is when I say it like that, or maybe I don't, but it is what it is. I have considered long and hard whether I should publish this on a blog or whether it would be best to just say nothing, but it is the truth and I have nothing to hide. These are my ramblings after all, my thoughts and feelings. I would not go as far as to say anyone has wronged me, please don't take that from this, I am just expressing my situation at the moment.
As for my plans for rest of the year, I will be spending the next two months taking a break from life and connecting with God as to what He wants from me going forward. This is most certainly a phoenix moment in my life, for if I do not rise from the ashes I do not think I will rise at all. With almost all of my commitments in life falling away in a matter of days I now have an opportunity that many in life wish for: a chance to remake myself, and my life. A second chance of sorts.
What would you do if you could achieve anything you set your mind to? What would you spend your hours doing if you did not need to fear the unknown? What captures your heart and soul? I think I know what I want from my life, how to get there is quite another story entirely. Life is a journey after all, not just a destination.
Please take these words with a bit more perspective than usual. My thoughts have been running wild and I have not restricted them very much, it would defeat the purpose of my blogging. Although I have lost so much recently and I am such a state of turmoil, I have so much to be grateful for and excited about.
I will fight for this, my future, with every breath I have in me.
Jem.
I can think of two such moments in my life: the first when I moved to Cape Town and the second when I a become a born-again Christian and chose to live my life for God. I can put them into a calm sentence but both were very turbulent times in my life, when it felt as if the floor was falling out underneath me at times. I think that these moments hold such power in our lives, when we are at our lowest and allow God to build us up in a better way. Sometimes you actually just need to start again. You can move cities fairly easily, start going to church pretty simply, but the raw frenzy going on inside you is something else entirely. In order to change who you are you need to lose, or in some cases destroy, who you were. You may disagree with me, that's perfectly okay. I am still a teenager, though just, and there is every possibility that I am wrong. Seldom are times of big change simple and easy though.
It is in one of these moments that I find myself now. I thought I felt it earlier in the year but it didn't quite happen, everything sort of settled for a while. As the whirlwinds race around me now I see that I am here again, at a stormy crossroads in life, a position to have so much change and grow. This morning I was thinking about how much I grew the last time this happened, how I properly joined the church and devoted myself to Christ. I do not know what is in store for me but as I see the storms around me I know that there is great potential here. There may be more pain and sadness than I know how to deal with at times but I am ecstatic with where this could be taking me. It is not easy to navigate rapids but it is a rush, and the afterwards it was worth every second of it.
I would like to take this time to apologise to everyone I have hurt or wronged during this time, you know who you are. This year has been a very difficult and crazy time for me and I have not treated many people as I ought to have. I know it doesn't excuse what I did but I would like you to understand the situation and know that it was not intentional to hurt or wrong you, I am sorry where I have done so. I am not out of this yet either though, so please bare with me as I struggle and grow through this. If I continue to offend you or hurt you please just stay away from me, I do not see what I do all the time and I do in unintentional.
I wrote the first part of the blog a few weeks ago, unsure of how to complete it and if I should post it. The point of these ramblings are mainly to help clear my mind and focus my thoughts. I, therefor, will not delete any of what I have said. I will, however, add some more information to update those of you who have an interest in my life.
Over the course of the last month a lot has transpired. To put it bluntly, as I have no interest in making things look pretty at the moment, I have lost my job, been removed from leading the youth ministry, and have had someone I care very dearly for taken from my life. I make it sound worse than it really is when I say it like that, or maybe I don't, but it is what it is. I have considered long and hard whether I should publish this on a blog or whether it would be best to just say nothing, but it is the truth and I have nothing to hide. These are my ramblings after all, my thoughts and feelings. I would not go as far as to say anyone has wronged me, please don't take that from this, I am just expressing my situation at the moment.
As for my plans for rest of the year, I will be spending the next two months taking a break from life and connecting with God as to what He wants from me going forward. This is most certainly a phoenix moment in my life, for if I do not rise from the ashes I do not think I will rise at all. With almost all of my commitments in life falling away in a matter of days I now have an opportunity that many in life wish for: a chance to remake myself, and my life. A second chance of sorts.
What would you do if you could achieve anything you set your mind to? What would you spend your hours doing if you did not need to fear the unknown? What captures your heart and soul? I think I know what I want from my life, how to get there is quite another story entirely. Life is a journey after all, not just a destination.
Please take these words with a bit more perspective than usual. My thoughts have been running wild and I have not restricted them very much, it would defeat the purpose of my blogging. Although I have lost so much recently and I am such a state of turmoil, I have so much to be grateful for and excited about.
I will fight for this, my future, with every breath I have in me.
Jem.
"The future belongs to those who prepare for it today."
Malcolm X
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
Hopes and Dreams
When we are children we often have such incredible dreams for our lives. Ask a six year old what they want to be when they grow up and you are likely to get an answer like astronaut or princess. Ask a child a few years later and you will probably start getting answers like artist and doctor. But a few years after that...
For too many of us we lose sight of our dreams as we grow older, as the reality of life sets in we lose our magic. As someone who has recently stepped out into the world after high school I know that the pressures of life are tough, you need to start providing for yourself and for your future family. I myself cannot wait to have a family of my own, but at what cost? We seem to think that we need to give up what excites and interests us in order to live a safe life. But life isn't safe. You can hide behind your nine to five job and your high brick wall but life is out there, and it will get to you.
I have watched divorces unfold before me, cancer rip loved ones from me, and depression claim lives of those very close to me. Yes, life is rough, but hiding behind your walls, trying to play it safe, won't do you any good. You'll just be limiting the greatness of your life to try and avoid a valley or two. Don't let fear take away the joy of life; it's never too late to follow your dreams.
There are so many great things life has to offer, if you only know how to look for it there is so much beauty in the world. We encounter movies and books that have great stories and tales yet we are too scared of the cost, we are ruled by fear. As someone who has recently let go of the fear of living a safe life let me tell you it is something else entirely to live a fearless life. Waking up in the morning knowing that the day holds endless possibilities and blessings, finding the good in life and living it without restraint, knowing that life can throw whatever it will at you and there is still so much to live for and be excited about, it is a divine feeling that I cannot imagine leaving behind now that I have experienced it.
I cannot capture, in words, the feeling of pure joy you feel when you completely let go of the fear that is holding you back, even if it's subconsciously, but it is something you need to experience yourself. The feeling is complete freedom and joy, smiling like a fool because there is just so much to live for and be excited about and it's all at your fingertips if you'll just reach for it.
So don't give up on your hopes and dreams, with God helping you there is very little that you cannot do. Let us become generations that change the world, that shift the distorted paradigm of society. It starts with you and me. I have been living a life completely with God, working towards me hopes and dreams, and it just gets more magical every day. So go out there, let go of your fear, and live the life you've always wanted to.
Jem.
"Children are wonderfully confident in their own imaginations.
Most of us lose this confidence as we grow up."
Most of us lose this confidence as we grow up."
Sir Ken Robinson
For too many of us we lose sight of our dreams as we grow older, as the reality of life sets in we lose our magic. As someone who has recently stepped out into the world after high school I know that the pressures of life are tough, you need to start providing for yourself and for your future family. I myself cannot wait to have a family of my own, but at what cost? We seem to think that we need to give up what excites and interests us in order to live a safe life. But life isn't safe. You can hide behind your nine to five job and your high brick wall but life is out there, and it will get to you.
I have watched divorces unfold before me, cancer rip loved ones from me, and depression claim lives of those very close to me. Yes, life is rough, but hiding behind your walls, trying to play it safe, won't do you any good. You'll just be limiting the greatness of your life to try and avoid a valley or two. Don't let fear take away the joy of life; it's never too late to follow your dreams.
"It doesn't matter where you are, you are nowhere compared to where you can go."
Bob Proctor
There are so many great things life has to offer, if you only know how to look for it there is so much beauty in the world. We encounter movies and books that have great stories and tales yet we are too scared of the cost, we are ruled by fear. As someone who has recently let go of the fear of living a safe life let me tell you it is something else entirely to live a fearless life. Waking up in the morning knowing that the day holds endless possibilities and blessings, finding the good in life and living it without restraint, knowing that life can throw whatever it will at you and there is still so much to live for and be excited about, it is a divine feeling that I cannot imagine leaving behind now that I have experienced it.
"If you listen to your fears, you will die never knowing
what a great person you might have been."
what a great person you might have been."
Robert Schuller
I cannot capture, in words, the feeling of pure joy you feel when you completely let go of the fear that is holding you back, even if it's subconsciously, but it is something you need to experience yourself. The feeling is complete freedom and joy, smiling like a fool because there is just so much to live for and be excited about and it's all at your fingertips if you'll just reach for it.
So don't give up on your hopes and dreams, with God helping you there is very little that you cannot do. Let us become generations that change the world, that shift the distorted paradigm of society. It starts with you and me. I have been living a life completely with God, working towards me hopes and dreams, and it just gets more magical every day. So go out there, let go of your fear, and live the life you've always wanted to.
Jem.
"Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy now.
Don't wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future."
Don't wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future."
Earl Nightingale
"Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it.
The time will pass away."
Earl Nightingale
"Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it.
The time will pass away."
Earl Nightingale
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
Living a Happy Life
Happiness is an interesting concept. In my younger years I thought that doing what is right and doing what makes you happy were unrelated. I viewed what had to be done as a duty and what made me happy as a game.
As I grew up I started to make a barrier between what I enjoyed and what I needed to do. School and church needed to be done but hanging with friends and playing Xbox was just messing around. In the earlier years of high school I remember serving at church and not enjoying it at all, why did I need to do these things that made me want to be elsewhere? School was much the same for me, to where I seldom cared much for my grades. I remember talking to a old school friend about it, about why it was it was not fun to do the things I needed to do. Christy Long, bless her sweet soul, told me that God gives us a passion for the work He wants us to do. While I liked the idea I thought that it could not be so simple and easy. There was what you had to do and there was what made you happy, and seldom did the two mix.
Due to this warped paradigm I felt I needed to choose between fun and right. I would cover the basics of what was right to do but then I would do what was fun. As I'm sure many of you are thinking this caused many problems in my life, the foremost of which was that I was not truly happy with my life. I went off to boarding school with this mindset. I was not in a great place in my life and so I decided that I would spend the next few years doing what was right while I tried to figure out what I wanted from life and what God wanted from me. I worked hard on my academics, I started to train and eat healthily, I started to serve at Christian Fellow at our chapel (as well as starting my own life-group in my boarding house), I spend over an hour a day trying to connect with God and understand life better. I devoted myself to this cause, regardless of how I felt. I busied myself so much that I seldom had time to relax.
I learnt a lot in that first year, about God, about life, and about myself. I opened my eyes to the world and learnt all I could. Then, at the end of the year, the Christian Fellowship committee went on a camp, a camp that changed my life. Over the long weekend I realised that there was so much more to life, that I could do so much more for the world and for God through my life. I won't go into the details but God shifted my paradigm to see so much more than I had been seeing. While I realised that I could do so much more with my life I still saw doing what was right and doing what made one happy as somewhat different things.
A year later I finished up school and moved back to the mother city, Cape Town, where I immediately started serving in both the junior and senior youth at my church, Edge Church Melkbos. After a while I was forced to choose a ministry to serve in as I could not properly devote myself to both. I love the teenagers and can connect with them so much better, so naturally the senior youth was my first intention. As I prayed and asked God for His guidance I saw that I was needed much more at the junior youth. I asked God if this was what He wanted of me and I felt that it was. So I said good-bye to the great Fusion (senior youth) team and joined the EPIC (junior youth) team fully. I do not enjoy the grade 4-7 age group very much but that is where I felt God calling me, where He wanted me.
I have tears in my eyes as I type this, as I think about what God did in my heart next. I started to become unhappy serving at EPIC as the children are an age I have never really enjoyed and the team is a bunch of young teenagers who can be more chaotic than the kids. During one of my quiet times, bringing it before God, I was reminded what dear Christy has said to me many months before: God gives us a passion for the work He would have us do, if you don't enjoy what you're doing it's probably not right for you. Within a few weeks I found that I looked forward to youth on a Friday, that I had a passion inside me for the kids and teenagers that I couldn't explain. Months later I now co-lead the youth with a lovely lady, Liane Badenhorst, and I would do just about anything for the kids and for my team.
I have always had a heart for kids and children's ministry, I suspect growing up as one of 18 very close cousins has something to do with it, but the passion God has put within my heart for these kids is beyond anything I thought possible. My week is often made on a Friday night at youth or a Sunday morning at church with the kids.
I apologise for sharing so much of my story, I did not intend to, but I think some backstory helps get the point across. These are ramblings after all, what're you going to do about it? This is only to help me, and a few others out there who I think need it.
It makes me sad when I see someone doing something because they feel they must instead of out of passion and interest. The past month I have been getting so many confirmations of this. My co-worker and I, Brent Waldeck, each get a quote every day that we share with each other. Almost every day for the past month one of us has gotten a quote about doing what makes you happy. You wouldn't really want to live an unhappy life after all would you? Choose a life which you can love and never need a vacation from.
I hope this helps at least some one understand that doing what is right and doing what makes you happy should very much be the same thing, that God will work incredible things in your life if you'll let Him.
Recently God has brought something in my life that has brought me more peace and joy than I thought was even possible. It is something I have been trusting God in for the last year, those of you closest to me will know what I am talking about. A verse that has stuck with me during this time is Proverbs 16:20, Blessed is he who trusts in the Lord. Oh, how I have been blessed. It has not been easy, but most days I find myself walking around with a smile that I can't get rid of. What He has done for me in my life makes me feel whole, like everything is right...
I hope that one day you too can have God bless you like He has blessed me, that He makes you happy beyond comprehension, all you need to do is trust in Him.
I will never let go of this.
Jem.
As I grew up I started to make a barrier between what I enjoyed and what I needed to do. School and church needed to be done but hanging with friends and playing Xbox was just messing around. In the earlier years of high school I remember serving at church and not enjoying it at all, why did I need to do these things that made me want to be elsewhere? School was much the same for me, to where I seldom cared much for my grades. I remember talking to a old school friend about it, about why it was it was not fun to do the things I needed to do. Christy Long, bless her sweet soul, told me that God gives us a passion for the work He wants us to do. While I liked the idea I thought that it could not be so simple and easy. There was what you had to do and there was what made you happy, and seldom did the two mix.
Due to this warped paradigm I felt I needed to choose between fun and right. I would cover the basics of what was right to do but then I would do what was fun. As I'm sure many of you are thinking this caused many problems in my life, the foremost of which was that I was not truly happy with my life. I went off to boarding school with this mindset. I was not in a great place in my life and so I decided that I would spend the next few years doing what was right while I tried to figure out what I wanted from life and what God wanted from me. I worked hard on my academics, I started to train and eat healthily, I started to serve at Christian Fellow at our chapel (as well as starting my own life-group in my boarding house), I spend over an hour a day trying to connect with God and understand life better. I devoted myself to this cause, regardless of how I felt. I busied myself so much that I seldom had time to relax.
I learnt a lot in that first year, about God, about life, and about myself. I opened my eyes to the world and learnt all I could. Then, at the end of the year, the Christian Fellowship committee went on a camp, a camp that changed my life. Over the long weekend I realised that there was so much more to life, that I could do so much more for the world and for God through my life. I won't go into the details but God shifted my paradigm to see so much more than I had been seeing. While I realised that I could do so much more with my life I still saw doing what was right and doing what made one happy as somewhat different things.
A year later I finished up school and moved back to the mother city, Cape Town, where I immediately started serving in both the junior and senior youth at my church, Edge Church Melkbos. After a while I was forced to choose a ministry to serve in as I could not properly devote myself to both. I love the teenagers and can connect with them so much better, so naturally the senior youth was my first intention. As I prayed and asked God for His guidance I saw that I was needed much more at the junior youth. I asked God if this was what He wanted of me and I felt that it was. So I said good-bye to the great Fusion (senior youth) team and joined the EPIC (junior youth) team fully. I do not enjoy the grade 4-7 age group very much but that is where I felt God calling me, where He wanted me.
I have tears in my eyes as I type this, as I think about what God did in my heart next. I started to become unhappy serving at EPIC as the children are an age I have never really enjoyed and the team is a bunch of young teenagers who can be more chaotic than the kids. During one of my quiet times, bringing it before God, I was reminded what dear Christy has said to me many months before: God gives us a passion for the work He would have us do, if you don't enjoy what you're doing it's probably not right for you. Within a few weeks I found that I looked forward to youth on a Friday, that I had a passion inside me for the kids and teenagers that I couldn't explain. Months later I now co-lead the youth with a lovely lady, Liane Badenhorst, and I would do just about anything for the kids and for my team.
I have always had a heart for kids and children's ministry, I suspect growing up as one of 18 very close cousins has something to do with it, but the passion God has put within my heart for these kids is beyond anything I thought possible. My week is often made on a Friday night at youth or a Sunday morning at church with the kids.
I apologise for sharing so much of my story, I did not intend to, but I think some backstory helps get the point across. These are ramblings after all, what're you going to do about it? This is only to help me, and a few others out there who I think need it.
It makes me sad when I see someone doing something because they feel they must instead of out of passion and interest. The past month I have been getting so many confirmations of this. My co-worker and I, Brent Waldeck, each get a quote every day that we share with each other. Almost every day for the past month one of us has gotten a quote about doing what makes you happy. You wouldn't really want to live an unhappy life after all would you? Choose a life which you can love and never need a vacation from.
I hope this helps at least some one understand that doing what is right and doing what makes you happy should very much be the same thing, that God will work incredible things in your life if you'll let Him.
Recently God has brought something in my life that has brought me more peace and joy than I thought was even possible. It is something I have been trusting God in for the last year, those of you closest to me will know what I am talking about. A verse that has stuck with me during this time is Proverbs 16:20, Blessed is he who trusts in the Lord. Oh, how I have been blessed. It has not been easy, but most days I find myself walking around with a smile that I can't get rid of. What He has done for me in my life makes me feel whole, like everything is right...
I hope that one day you too can have God bless you like He has blessed me, that He makes you happy beyond comprehension, all you need to do is trust in Him.
I will never let go of this.
Jem.
"It is not the load that breaks you down. It's the way you carry it."
Lou Holtz
Monday, October 12, 2015
Trials and Tribulations
So to start off my 'ramblings' I'm going to start on a topic that is not discussed or spoken of very much, yet has a huge impact in our lives and our growth. Trials and tribulations (or struggles and difficulties for the less literate) are things that happen to everyone at different stages of life, in varying degrees.
We each have our own mountain to climb, our own secret struggle. Whether you are struggling with not having many friends at school or struggling to have a baby with your spouse we all face different struggles. To each of us our struggles often feel like more than we can handle. I often hear people struggling with things I once struggled with and I think it really isn't that bad, and then there are people who I hear are going through much more than I think I could even begin to understand. But to each of us our struggles are the biggest, our mountains are the highest, our giants are the strongest. It just goes to show you how much perspective changes things. If I think about when I struggled to make friends in primary school and compare that to a mother who has lost her husband and children making friends seems like the silliest thing ever, but at the time I felt like it was the end of the world. Perhaps this changes as we grow up but I think it all depends on perspective. We all-too-often only look at things from our limited perspective.
While difficult times are almost never happy times in our lives we should be grateful for them, for it is through difficult times that we grow and better ourselves. Without my struggles to make friends I'd probably just be a normal socialiser, but because I had to struggle with it I now have no trouble making friends or meeting new people.
Finding joy and happiness in these times is not an easy thing to do at all, but I think that just depends on perspective. You can see that you are struggling and things are difficult, or you can see that there are hundreds of wonderful things to find happiness in as you grow, to see the beauty in the suns rays or the waves upon the sand. Happiness may be difficult to come by in these times but joy is finding happiness in the situation. God helps a lot with that. If you are not Christian and do not know what I am talking about maybe you should look into it but my brothers and sisters will know the joy and peace His presence brings.
As I have fought through this last year it has only been with His strength that I have gotten through this. I thought it was over now, that the season was changing, but even if it is not I have His love in my life. No one can take away the love He has given me. All it takes is the right perspective to see. I am so grateful for all that He has blessed me with. All it takes is faith in Him and reliance on His goodness.
I hope that one day you also see that perspective changes everything. You cannot always be happy, but you can find joy in the goodness of God and His world.
Jem.
We each have our own mountain to climb, our own secret struggle. Whether you are struggling with not having many friends at school or struggling to have a baby with your spouse we all face different struggles. To each of us our struggles often feel like more than we can handle. I often hear people struggling with things I once struggled with and I think it really isn't that bad, and then there are people who I hear are going through much more than I think I could even begin to understand. But to each of us our struggles are the biggest, our mountains are the highest, our giants are the strongest. It just goes to show you how much perspective changes things. If I think about when I struggled to make friends in primary school and compare that to a mother who has lost her husband and children making friends seems like the silliest thing ever, but at the time I felt like it was the end of the world. Perhaps this changes as we grow up but I think it all depends on perspective. We all-too-often only look at things from our limited perspective.
While difficult times are almost never happy times in our lives we should be grateful for them, for it is through difficult times that we grow and better ourselves. Without my struggles to make friends I'd probably just be a normal socialiser, but because I had to struggle with it I now have no trouble making friends or meeting new people.
Finding joy and happiness in these times is not an easy thing to do at all, but I think that just depends on perspective. You can see that you are struggling and things are difficult, or you can see that there are hundreds of wonderful things to find happiness in as you grow, to see the beauty in the suns rays or the waves upon the sand. Happiness may be difficult to come by in these times but joy is finding happiness in the situation. God helps a lot with that. If you are not Christian and do not know what I am talking about maybe you should look into it but my brothers and sisters will know the joy and peace His presence brings.
As I have fought through this last year it has only been with His strength that I have gotten through this. I thought it was over now, that the season was changing, but even if it is not I have His love in my life. No one can take away the love He has given me. All it takes is the right perspective to see. I am so grateful for all that He has blessed me with. All it takes is faith in Him and reliance on His goodness.
I hope that one day you also see that perspective changes everything. You cannot always be happy, but you can find joy in the goodness of God and His world.
Jem.
"You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them."
Unknown
Introductions are in Order
Life is full of surprises and changes. For this reason I have decided to create a second blog to talk about things more of my mind than my actual life. My first blog, found here, is sharing the journey I am walking so that those far and wide who would like to keep up-to-date with my life can. But now that I will no longer be going overseas to study just yet that blog will not be as needed, I will still update it whenever I have news to share with the world but I'd like to take a new approach to my blogging now as things change.
Due to inspiration from a very close friend's blog, found here, I have decided to create a blog to ramble my inner thoughts in a way to help me process things. Those of you who know me well enough will know that I have a strong distaste for lies. I would like to be vulnerable and open in my blogging here, I apologise if anything I say comes off as rude or offensive. I will not lie but nor will I be completely open about everything in my life, as it would be foolish for me to do so. Non-the-less I will be vulnerable through these words as they will mostly be my raw thoughts, joys, and struggles, I ask you to be kind when you read my words to follow.
Jem.
Due to inspiration from a very close friend's blog, found here, I have decided to create a blog to ramble my inner thoughts in a way to help me process things. Those of you who know me well enough will know that I have a strong distaste for lies. I would like to be vulnerable and open in my blogging here, I apologise if anything I say comes off as rude or offensive. I will not lie but nor will I be completely open about everything in my life, as it would be foolish for me to do so. Non-the-less I will be vulnerable through these words as they will mostly be my raw thoughts, joys, and struggles, I ask you to be kind when you read my words to follow.
Jem.
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