It has been months since I last wrote, since I last posted. That is in large part due to a massive shift in my life that reduced the desire for me to blog. I may go more into that later, but over the past few months I have found no solace in writing as my life has been very busy, and I have been focused elsewhere. There is so much more to it, but not now.
The reason for this return is simple, grief. Over a year ago we lost a dear friend and brother. I cannot truly express my struggle at his passing, but it has been a difficult journey dealing with it all. It is many months later, life has moved on, and yet I sometimes find myself stuck. How different the world would have been with him? Death is unavoidable, but at the end, when life has been lived, not at the beginning, when it has barely begun.
I still have little true desire and passion to write, but I seek its solace all the same. Brother, you are so dearly missed. It curdles my heart and mind to give thought to all that has been lost, all the injustice. Perhaps this will spark my return to writing, but to be honest I desire to be left unknown and alone the majority of the world, I do not trust or enjoy most people all that much anymore. This is mainly in reference to a handful of people, and I think I can feel that changing this year as I truly deal with it.
Much is yet to come, and I may write on, but for the moment I am content to just be.
Ave Atque Vale, brother.
Monday, January 16, 2017
Wednesday, September 07, 2016
The Labyrinth
It is the middle of the night and I cannot sleep. I prefer the night, and am often up late into the evening, but it is past a decent hour and I cannot sleep. I cannot sleep because my heart is heavy with the weight of the the world. As a friend has aptly said: "life is just a series of devastating events at the moment." It is late at night, and I cannot sleep, so I write. These words are not just to be written, but to be read by those hold the wisdom to understand them.
Looking for Alaska is a wonderfully powerful novel, full of literature beyond its measure. That is to say that it is greater than the sum of its parts. If you haven't read the book you may struggle to keep up with this post, as I will be revolving around the book here, but I will do my best to explain things all the same.
The main character goes to boarding school, seeking more for his mediocre and mundane life. "I go to seek a Great Perhaps" he explains, using the famous last words of François Rabelais. As the book gets going (though it certainly does take its time) we are introduced to the wild Alaska Young. Though erratic and eccentric, she posses an extreme beauty and has a vivid love of literature. She quickly introduces us to the following quote:
Looking for Alaska is a wonderfully powerful novel, full of literature beyond its measure. That is to say that it is greater than the sum of its parts. If you haven't read the book you may struggle to keep up with this post, as I will be revolving around the book here, but I will do my best to explain things all the same.
The main character goes to boarding school, seeking more for his mediocre and mundane life. "I go to seek a Great Perhaps" he explains, using the famous last words of François Rabelais. As the book gets going (though it certainly does take its time) we are introduced to the wild Alaska Young. Though erratic and eccentric, she posses an extreme beauty and has a vivid love of literature. She quickly introduces us to the following quote:
"He was shaken by the overwhelming revelation that the headlong race
between his misfortunes and his dreams was at that moment reaching the finish line.
The rest was darkness. 'Damn it,' he sighed. 'How will I ever get out of this labyrinth!'"
She turns it into a question, asking not how to escape the labyrinth, but what the labyrinth itself is. You see, she is the rare type of person that causes you to think and grow, to be greater than you are. What a Gem. Alaska later explains that it is the labyrinth of suffering in life, that we doomed to wonder endlessly. At the end of the book we see that she takes the approach of escaping the labyrinth "straight & fast", and we are left with the mystery of whether she did escape the labyrinth or not, and whether it was by choice or not.
She is so influential and pivotal that their religious education teacher uses her question for their final paper: how will we ever get out of the labyrinth of suffering? It is an interesting piece of literature, and a very interesting point. Though wild and untamed, she posses a mind to rival the greats.
"I am interested in how you are able to fit
the incontestable fact of suffering into your understanding of the world,
and how you hope to navigate through life in spite of it."
We see so many great pieces of literature, both by John Green and by others, in this book that it is difficult to even consider them all. That piece though, is a very interesting one to me, especially once I had finished the novel. In the last few pages we see one of the characters take a very interesting turn on the question.
"I choose the labyrinth. The labyrinth blows, but I choose it."
He chooses the labyrinth, he knows the pain and difficulty it holds and yet he chooses it. This, I believe, holds great wisdom and strength (though it is not show as powerfully as I think it should be). It is not unlike life at all. Life certainly can be compared to a labyrinth, and a labyrinth of suffering would only be a slight push. There is no doubt that life is tough, that there is suffering, and that you often do not really know what is going on. Yet there is also so much more to life; there is beauty in the world. The labyrinth of life may hold great suffering, but it teaches us many things and contains much worth living for.
"Suffering was caused by desire."
"We had to forgive to survive in the labyrinth."
"Hating takes an awful lot of energy and I'd given up on it a long time ago."
Sure, there is suffering, but a lot of it lies in our hands. A powerful paradigm. Regardless of how true it may be, I do know that I choose the labyrinth. I choose to be lost in the suffering at times, because I believe that it is worth it. I believe that we hold the power over our own lives (to a larger degree), and I am willing to endure the difficulties for the beauty and wonder that is life. It may be messy and tough, but life has got a blissful splendour. A Gem that cannot be ignored.
"'You shall love you crooked neighbour with your crooked heart.'
It says so much about love and brokenness - it's perfect."
We also learn a bit about 'love and brokenness'. I agree, it is a glorious quote, perfectly capturing the brokenness of our love. We are all damaged and messed up in a way, but the point is not to be perfect, the point is to love in your brokenness.
"Imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia."
"You just use the future to escape the present."
As I have been on a journey to live in the present and appreciate the moment, these two quotes have shown me a great wisdom. Both statements are very true, for me at least, and I find that they open my eyes more to the truth. The future is not true; the past is not true; all that is true is the present. To live outside of the present is to not really live at all. It is a very difficult concept for me to embrace, as I often mind my head dwelling on the past or looking to the future, but I believe it is key to living a happy life. There is no joy like the present, and being present and appreciative (I find) brings a joy all of its own.
In closing I would like to leave you with a few more quotes that I really enjoy.
"The Great Perhaps was upon us and we were invincible."
"Awful things are survivable, because we are as indestructible as we believe."
"We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken."
"I believe now that we are greater than the sum of our parts...
that part of us greater than the sum of our parts cannot begin and cannot end,
and so it cannot fail."
I challenge you to see past naivety. I challenge you to see the power of confidence and positivity, the youth see it and we foolishly mock them for it. You are in control of your own life, if you would but take it. Choose, choose to learn, choose to grow, choose to love, choose to live.
One day the Great Perhaps will be upon you, you need only choose the labyrinth and keep going.
"She made me different."
Jem.
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
The Beauty of the Storm
Storms are truly beautiful creations. Little compares to the splendour and wonder of a storm, whether you are sitting by a warm fire, listening to the blissful melody of the rain, or standing out in the hurling winds, drenched to the bone, as the sky roars its defiance. Nothing can stand up to the power and ferocity of a storm. It is a force of nature. You cannot control a storm. While storms are to be respected, I certainly do not believe they are to be feared, but rather appreciated.
Life is full of many storms. While storms may rage around us, it is the storms that rage within us that matter the most. Just as a storm may destroy that which stands in its way, it brings great power and beauty to those who respect and honour the storm. Learn to stand in the midst of the storm with open arms and you will know greatness far beyond this earth.
It has been on a journey that I started a few weeks ago that I have learnt this. I cannot claim the brilliance of this discovery though, it has been due to the inspiration of my most treasured companion, and the knowledge and wisdom of God, found in His word. I decided to take a stand and fight for the life I want; she showed me how to have strength and endurance; He showed me how to live life, and life to the fullest.
Over the past month, as I have been fasting, praying, and meditating, I have found an increasing thirst of literature. Perhaps it is because I no longer allow myself to waste time on pointless pursuits; perhaps it is because I find solace in another world; perhaps it is because I have developed a better appreciation for the power of words. Regardless, my room continues to fill with books of various kinds, while my desk is cluttered with quotes and passages from all over. There is such majesty in good literature, and an incredible power that comes from knowing it.
There is so much to be learnt from literature, so much to be enjoyed and thought on. There are endless journeys to be taken through the pages of countless books, all so wonderful and exhilarating. With it all comes the infinite wisdom and guidance of scripture, through which I have learnt more than I could possibly hope to understand on my own. If you ever seek guidance and help, you need only turn to God and His word. He will guide and bless you.
We see that God shows us how to live life; He teaches us not only to endure, but to grow and flourish. He provides for us. Not only is He there when we are suffering and need His help, but He is also there when we are well and would like His blessing. He is the all-powerful and loving Father.
Oh, how I have been blessed by Him. One day I will share the greatest blessing in my life with you all. As I grow and develop He blesses me in so many ways; as I push into Him through the trials and difficulties I find that I am so much more myself, strong and free. He has opened my eyes and worked in my heart in more ways than I can fathom, and I am but a child. I shudder to think how He will mould and grow me as I continue through life. There is already so much I am thankful for, so much I rejoice in.
While the world will continue to throw all it has at me, and undoubtably I will stumble and fall along the way, I give you my word that I will press on. I will never give up, I will stand and fight, you taught me that. With God anything is possible.
"Rejoice, my brothers and sisters, when you face trials of many kinds,
knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.
Let endurance finish its work, so that you may be
mature and complete, lacking in nothing."
James 1:2-4
I'll admit, it's a difficult concept to wrap your head around and embrace. It goes against so much within us to stand and embrace the storm, to rejoice in the difficulties. It may seem illogical, counter-intuitive, and even psychotic, but I assure you that it is quite the opposite. Do you know what pain is, at the fundamental level? Simply a message, telling you that something is wrong and needs to be fixed. Pain does not define you or limit you, if anything it enables you. It shows you were to focus your energy.
Over the past month, as I have been fasting, praying, and meditating, I have found an increasing thirst of literature. Perhaps it is because I no longer allow myself to waste time on pointless pursuits; perhaps it is because I find solace in another world; perhaps it is because I have developed a better appreciation for the power of words. Regardless, my room continues to fill with books of various kinds, while my desk is cluttered with quotes and passages from all over. There is such majesty in good literature, and an incredible power that comes from knowing it.
"Books are my friends, my companions.
They make me laugh and cry and find meaning in life."
Christopher Paolini
"One must always be careful of books and what is inside them,
for words have the power to change us."
Cassandra Clare
"One must always be careful of books and what is inside them,
for words have the power to change us."
Cassandra Clare
"I have hidden Your word in my heart,
that I might not sin against You."
Psalm 119:11
One of my favourite pieces of literature comes from a poem written by one of the original 1820 settlers. Thomas Pringle wrote Cape of Storms, showing the beauty that can be found in the storm. The extract that I enjoy most reads as follows:
Yet, spite of physical and moral ill,
And after all I've seen and suffered here,
There are strong links that bind me to thee still,
And render even thy rocks and deserts dear;
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation,
by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
The peace of God, which transcends all understanding,
will guard you hearts and your minds in Jesus Christ."
Philippians 4:6-7
"The Lord God is a sun and a shield;
the Lord bestows favour and honour.
No good thing does He withhold
from those who walk uprightly."
Psalm 84:11
"Blessed is the one who remains steadfast under trial,
for when they have stood the test they will receive the crown of life,
which God has provided to those who love Him."
James 1:12
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,
plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you a hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11
We see that God shows us how to live life; He teaches us not only to endure, but to grow and flourish. He provides for us. Not only is He there when we are suffering and need His help, but He is also there when we are well and would like His blessing. He is the all-powerful and loving Father.
Oh, how I have been blessed by Him. One day I will share the greatest blessing in my life with you all. As I grow and develop He blesses me in so many ways; as I push into Him through the trials and difficulties I find that I am so much more myself, strong and free. He has opened my eyes and worked in my heart in more ways than I can fathom, and I am but a child. I shudder to think how He will mould and grow me as I continue through life. There is already so much I am thankful for, so much I rejoice in.
While the world will continue to throw all it has at me, and undoubtably I will stumble and fall along the way, I give you my word that I will press on. I will never give up, I will stand and fight, you taught me that. With God anything is possible.
"Be joyful in hope.
Be patient in tribulation.
Be constant in prayer."
Romans 12:12
Jem.
Sunday, July 31, 2016
The Movement of Miracles
How often do you think of miracles? It is something I think may of us turn to when there is no other option, but how many of us consider it as a possibility outside of when we think there is no other way? Recently, as a church, we delved into miracles, those performed and how they generally intertwine with reality. It is not something I had given much thought to, not something I considered a real option in life.
I would like to start by sharing a miracle that happened in my heart a month or two ago. It is not something technically tangible, but it has been more influential in my life over the past few months than anything tangible really could be.
To understand what I have experienced you'll need a bit more background on my situation and view of things. This past year (or two) has been a rollercoaster of note for me, beyond what I would have thought possible. To give you some context (if you are unfamiliar with the some-what recently happenings of my life), at the start of the year I left my church, friends, and closest companion. The reasons are not important for you to understand the context of my miracle, only that my heart was torn apart when I left, leaving most of me with what had become my home and family there. I left for a few reasons, but the main one being that God called me to follow Him elsewhere. It was not something I wanted to do but it was something I needed to do (doing otherwise would have been in opposition to God's plan for my life). So I left, I left my home and my family, heartbroken but following God's plan.
The pain and suffering became a constant companion to me as I left behind most of what I held dear. This pain and suffering became something of an ever-present companion to me, that I would turn to as a way of anchoring myself to the broken reality I was found in. I questioned the sanity of having that hurt as an anchor to my reality, but it was all I had. I would wake up in the morning and search for it. I would be out at some unavoidable event and find comfort and identity in its presence. Imagine, if you will, your mind as a landscape of thought as feelings (something I have done for years now due to the incredible Inheritance Cycle, a definite must read). For years I have visualised my mind as a vast dark blue emptiness, not unlike a field in the moonlight, populated by my thoughts and feelings. I knew exactly where this wound was in my mind and I would hold to it as the last piece of what I lost, my last piece of painful sanity.
Then one evening everything changed. Attending a men's conference I wrestled with God, as I had been for months, on the season He called me into. I felt empty, lonely, and angry all at the same time, all because of my world that I had lost. I cried out to Him, furious that He would dare to do such a thing and leave me hanging out to dry. I begged for release, for something to change, anything. As I had for weeks on end I sought the familiar comfort of the pain, only to find it gone. I fell to my knees, breathless as my entire world shifted. I felt completely lost within my own mind. As I tried to understand what was happening, tried to make sense of my own mind, I found no vast emptiness populated by my thoughts and feelings, instead I found myself in a dimly lit cavern. As I stepped into the cavern I saw a spectacular lake surrounded by the elegant rock formations (if you have read The Mortal Instruments (City of Heavenly Fire) you'll know the wonder of which I speak). I was dumbstruck, in complete awe. Before I could even question what was going on I found myself in the middle of the small lake, slowing submerging in the water. It felt as right as breathing, and as I slowly became surrounded by the warm water I realised what God was doing, what had happened. He healed my pain and suffering, leaving no trace of its existence, more than that though He completely changed my mind. The lake is God's love, endless and warm, while the cavern itself is the renewed landscape of my mind. Almost every aspect of my life has changed accordingly, as He has changed the very foundation of my mind. I will not even attempt to convey the beauty and splendour it brings into my life, I doubt words could do it justice.
God worked a miracle in me, healing me and wrapping me in His love. For some of you it may seem silly or unreal, but for me it was a personal miracle than fundamentally changed my life. It meant that I no longer anchored myself to a morphed reality through pain and suffering, but instead I found peace and identity in God's incredible, glorious love. It was (and still is) a wonderful blessing, bringing much needed peace and joy to my life.
Only weeks beforehand had I began to challenge miracles and their reality in this world. From there I began to look at things in a new way, removing many of the boundaries I had placed on my reality (instead letting God take care of any boundaries that get in the way). It was only a short while after this that I once again became overwhelmed by the circumstances of life. As I fell to my knees before God, with my head bowed and tears streaming down my face, I looked at the powerful latin phrase inscribed on my wrist: Orando et Laborando. Not only was I reminded that nothing can overcome God within me, but I also realised that the boundaries that confined me were mere by-products of my false paradigm. I realised that a miracle was possible, and it could change everything.
That is why, starting on the 1st of August, I will be spending the month fasting and praying into this. I am disturbed by the current state of things and there is something I can do about it. If you know me at all you will know that my future is one of the most important things to me, and it's time I started investing fully in it. The reasons I have chosen to do so over the next month is because there are some very special dates I wish to honour and I wish to push everything I have into improving things (for both myself and others). Over the next month I will be deleting all my social media accounts, reducing the use of my phone to the bare minimum, and spending the majority of my time fasting and praying into the miracles set within my heart.
The miracles are slightly complex and personal, but because of the power of words and public declaration I shall share them here. Firstly is the most devastating situation to my heart: the pain and suffering of my closest companion. She has been through more than I can fathom (struggles and situations that have brought me to my knees may times just from hearing them), and the strength and beauty within her often leaves me breathless. She is on a journey of discovering Christ and creating that personal relationship with Him, making Him the centre of her life. Although I am sadly not able to walk this journey with her (a journey that I also had to struggle and fight through) I am immensely proud and joyful of the incredible wisdom, devotion, and resilience she shows. I pray that God breaks through to her, heals her brokenness and suffering, and blesses her with new life and spirit.
The second miracle is one both within my heart and within my circumstance. As I mentioned above I left my heart behind at the beginning of the year. It has been an incredible struggle, but also incredibly growing as God pushes and challenges me. It has been months, but yet my heart is still not with me. Although parts of me will always remain there, there is so little of my heart in where I am now, and it causes me great distress. I have tried to invest myself elsewhere, but with my heart still left behind I have been unable to grow and develop fully in what God is calling me to. The miracle I pray for is that God creates a new home and family for me in this next season He has called me into, and that He would help my heart to be after the things He is calling me to.
This means the world to me, and I will fight to the ends of the universe for it.
Nothing will stop me.
Jem.
I would like to start by sharing a miracle that happened in my heart a month or two ago. It is not something technically tangible, but it has been more influential in my life over the past few months than anything tangible really could be.
To understand what I have experienced you'll need a bit more background on my situation and view of things. This past year (or two) has been a rollercoaster of note for me, beyond what I would have thought possible. To give you some context (if you are unfamiliar with the some-what recently happenings of my life), at the start of the year I left my church, friends, and closest companion. The reasons are not important for you to understand the context of my miracle, only that my heart was torn apart when I left, leaving most of me with what had become my home and family there. I left for a few reasons, but the main one being that God called me to follow Him elsewhere. It was not something I wanted to do but it was something I needed to do (doing otherwise would have been in opposition to God's plan for my life). So I left, I left my home and my family, heartbroken but following God's plan.
The pain and suffering became a constant companion to me as I left behind most of what I held dear. This pain and suffering became something of an ever-present companion to me, that I would turn to as a way of anchoring myself to the broken reality I was found in. I questioned the sanity of having that hurt as an anchor to my reality, but it was all I had. I would wake up in the morning and search for it. I would be out at some unavoidable event and find comfort and identity in its presence. Imagine, if you will, your mind as a landscape of thought as feelings (something I have done for years now due to the incredible Inheritance Cycle, a definite must read). For years I have visualised my mind as a vast dark blue emptiness, not unlike a field in the moonlight, populated by my thoughts and feelings. I knew exactly where this wound was in my mind and I would hold to it as the last piece of what I lost, my last piece of painful sanity.
"The spirit of man can endure only so much, and when it is broken only a miracle can mend it."
John Burroughs
Then one evening everything changed. Attending a men's conference I wrestled with God, as I had been for months, on the season He called me into. I felt empty, lonely, and angry all at the same time, all because of my world that I had lost. I cried out to Him, furious that He would dare to do such a thing and leave me hanging out to dry. I begged for release, for something to change, anything. As I had for weeks on end I sought the familiar comfort of the pain, only to find it gone. I fell to my knees, breathless as my entire world shifted. I felt completely lost within my own mind. As I tried to understand what was happening, tried to make sense of my own mind, I found no vast emptiness populated by my thoughts and feelings, instead I found myself in a dimly lit cavern. As I stepped into the cavern I saw a spectacular lake surrounded by the elegant rock formations (if you have read The Mortal Instruments (City of Heavenly Fire) you'll know the wonder of which I speak). I was dumbstruck, in complete awe. Before I could even question what was going on I found myself in the middle of the small lake, slowing submerging in the water. It felt as right as breathing, and as I slowly became surrounded by the warm water I realised what God was doing, what had happened. He healed my pain and suffering, leaving no trace of its existence, more than that though He completely changed my mind. The lake is God's love, endless and warm, while the cavern itself is the renewed landscape of my mind. Almost every aspect of my life has changed accordingly, as He has changed the very foundation of my mind. I will not even attempt to convey the beauty and splendour it brings into my life, I doubt words could do it justice.
"Love is the great miracle cure. Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives."
Louise Hay
God worked a miracle in me, healing me and wrapping me in His love. For some of you it may seem silly or unreal, but for me it was a personal miracle than fundamentally changed my life. It meant that I no longer anchored myself to a morphed reality through pain and suffering, but instead I found peace and identity in God's incredible, glorious love. It was (and still is) a wonderful blessing, bringing much needed peace and joy to my life.
Only weeks beforehand had I began to challenge miracles and their reality in this world. From there I began to look at things in a new way, removing many of the boundaries I had placed on my reality (instead letting God take care of any boundaries that get in the way). It was only a short while after this that I once again became overwhelmed by the circumstances of life. As I fell to my knees before God, with my head bowed and tears streaming down my face, I looked at the powerful latin phrase inscribed on my wrist: Orando et Laborando. Not only was I reminded that nothing can overcome God within me, but I also realised that the boundaries that confined me were mere by-products of my false paradigm. I realised that a miracle was possible, and it could change everything.
That is why, starting on the 1st of August, I will be spending the month fasting and praying into this. I am disturbed by the current state of things and there is something I can do about it. If you know me at all you will know that my future is one of the most important things to me, and it's time I started investing fully in it. The reasons I have chosen to do so over the next month is because there are some very special dates I wish to honour and I wish to push everything I have into improving things (for both myself and others). Over the next month I will be deleting all my social media accounts, reducing the use of my phone to the bare minimum, and spending the majority of my time fasting and praying into the miracles set within my heart.
The miracles are slightly complex and personal, but because of the power of words and public declaration I shall share them here. Firstly is the most devastating situation to my heart: the pain and suffering of my closest companion. She has been through more than I can fathom (struggles and situations that have brought me to my knees may times just from hearing them), and the strength and beauty within her often leaves me breathless. She is on a journey of discovering Christ and creating that personal relationship with Him, making Him the centre of her life. Although I am sadly not able to walk this journey with her (a journey that I also had to struggle and fight through) I am immensely proud and joyful of the incredible wisdom, devotion, and resilience she shows. I pray that God breaks through to her, heals her brokenness and suffering, and blesses her with new life and spirit.
The second miracle is one both within my heart and within my circumstance. As I mentioned above I left my heart behind at the beginning of the year. It has been an incredible struggle, but also incredibly growing as God pushes and challenges me. It has been months, but yet my heart is still not with me. Although parts of me will always remain there, there is so little of my heart in where I am now, and it causes me great distress. I have tried to invest myself elsewhere, but with my heart still left behind I have been unable to grow and develop fully in what God is calling me to. The miracle I pray for is that God creates a new home and family for me in this next season He has called me into, and that He would help my heart to be after the things He is calling me to.
This means the world to me, and I will fight to the ends of the universe for it.
"Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye."
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Nothing will stop me.
Jem.
Monday, July 25, 2016
Amor Vincit Omnia
The response to my last post was incredible, far beyond what I was expecting. I wrote it with the purpose of going into more detail on one of my tattoos that I am often asked about. It holds special meaning to me, and seeing as I am asked about it often (without the time to fully explain it) I thought it would be a good idea to unpack it. I did not expect it to quickly become my most viewed post on this blog, only being overshadowed by the incident that nearly claimed my life last year.
After the overwhelming response to my last post I thought it would be a good idea to unpack and explain another of my beloved tattoos. While I was deciding which tattoo to write about I stumbled across a pleasant piece of literature. I read and reread it a few times, each time feeling more and more drawn to it, as it spoke to the romantic within me. The title of the piece stood out to me the most, which confused me as I did not understand it. 'Amor Vincit Omnia'. In latin, it means 'love conquers all'. As it clicked in my mind I was dumbstruck, transfixed by three beautiful words, a phrase that means more to me than life. You may think it extreme for me to say that, that a phrase means more to me than life, but let me explain and hopefully you'll begin to understand.
This is a fallen world we live in, filled with pain and suffering. There is no escaping the imperfection of this world. When you look at your own life do you not see the scars from where the world has left you beaten and broken? We face the difficulty of life every day, and some days it completely overwhelms us. You don't need to put on a facade here, it's okay to admit to yourself that things aren't always okay. It is in these moments of brokenness that life itself can seem impossible, but these moments can change us forever. It was because of these moments that as a child I sought some way to combat them and handle life on better footing. What I discovered changed not only my life, but my heart and soul.
I was overwhelmed by the teachings on this, how often it comes up and how strongly it is emphasised. When taking our society into consideration I thought it odd, if not contradictory. I have never been much of a conformer, seldom caring if I am different to others, and so I took it on as a challenge and a test. Could love truly overcome it all?
I'll be honest, it was much more difficult than I expected (and I didn't expect it to be easy at all). To let love rule your life, lead and guide you, requires more than any of us have within ourselves. I persisted, turning to God as I struggled with my failure and inadequacy. It took years before I started to see the results, before I started to see the fruits of my actions, of love. It was gradual at first, unnoticed, but as God's love grew within me it overcame everything in its way. As I fought the battles of my life with love I saw the effect it had. It was divine, undeniable. I started using love to fight battles of the heart and mind as well, and was astonished at the results. Things I had viewed as impossible to overcome, simple unpleasantries of life, crumbled before God's love within me.
Then something incredible happened, something that dwarfed what I had previously experienced and understood of love. I experienced a true, complete love. Love that transcends understanding and breaks down boundaries. It would be like trying to explain the beauty of a sunset to a blind man, impossible to fully capture and yet so wonderful. Complete love outshines everything. I experienced what it is like to not only received incredible love, but to have it dwell within me and flow through me. I imagine it akin to trying to explain actual romantic love to an infatuated teen, simply beyond us.
And so into my broken and hurt life came this love. I did nothing to deserve it, but God blessed me immeasurably all the same. Just thinking about it makes my heart swell. As this holy, complete love began to spread through my heart and mind it simply washed away everything else. It came in and washed over all my pain and struggles as if they were nothing, as if they never even existed. Can you even begin to imagine that, a life without pain or suffering, simply love?
That is why love means more to me than life itself, for without love life is empty. There is a miracle that happened in my life a couple of months ago that I'd like to share with you, but I'd like to explain the full, incredible beauty of it, so I will do so in another post.
This incredible phrase, that 'love conquers all', embodies the very faith and hope of life itself. Found in a stunning latin phrase, 'amor vincit omnia', it is engraved on my heart and soul. It stands eternal and all-powerful. You do not even begin to understand life without this love. I am so grateful that it found and chose me, as imperfect and inadequate as I am.
Nothing can overcome this.
Jem.
After the overwhelming response to my last post I thought it would be a good idea to unpack and explain another of my beloved tattoos. While I was deciding which tattoo to write about I stumbled across a pleasant piece of literature. I read and reread it a few times, each time feeling more and more drawn to it, as it spoke to the romantic within me. The title of the piece stood out to me the most, which confused me as I did not understand it. 'Amor Vincit Omnia'. In latin, it means 'love conquers all'. As it clicked in my mind I was dumbstruck, transfixed by three beautiful words, a phrase that means more to me than life. You may think it extreme for me to say that, that a phrase means more to me than life, but let me explain and hopefully you'll begin to understand.
This is a fallen world we live in, filled with pain and suffering. There is no escaping the imperfection of this world. When you look at your own life do you not see the scars from where the world has left you beaten and broken? We face the difficulty of life every day, and some days it completely overwhelms us. You don't need to put on a facade here, it's okay to admit to yourself that things aren't always okay. It is in these moments of brokenness that life itself can seem impossible, but these moments can change us forever. It was because of these moments that as a child I sought some way to combat them and handle life on better footing. What I discovered changed not only my life, but my heart and soul.
"Now these three things remain: faith, hope, and love. The greatest of these is love."
1 Corinthians 13:13
"God so loved the world that He gave up His son, so that all who trust in Him shall not be lost, but shall live life to its fullest."
John 3:16
John 3:16
"Love overcomes all."
Proverbs 10:12
I was overwhelmed by the teachings on this, how often it comes up and how strongly it is emphasised. When taking our society into consideration I thought it odd, if not contradictory. I have never been much of a conformer, seldom caring if I am different to others, and so I took it on as a challenge and a test. Could love truly overcome it all?
I'll be honest, it was much more difficult than I expected (and I didn't expect it to be easy at all). To let love rule your life, lead and guide you, requires more than any of us have within ourselves. I persisted, turning to God as I struggled with my failure and inadequacy. It took years before I started to see the results, before I started to see the fruits of my actions, of love. It was gradual at first, unnoticed, but as God's love grew within me it overcame everything in its way. As I fought the battles of my life with love I saw the effect it had. It was divine, undeniable. I started using love to fight battles of the heart and mind as well, and was astonished at the results. Things I had viewed as impossible to overcome, simple unpleasantries of life, crumbled before God's love within me.
"Love isn't something you find. Love is something that finds you."
Loretta Young
Then something incredible happened, something that dwarfed what I had previously experienced and understood of love. I experienced a true, complete love. Love that transcends understanding and breaks down boundaries. It would be like trying to explain the beauty of a sunset to a blind man, impossible to fully capture and yet so wonderful. Complete love outshines everything. I experienced what it is like to not only received incredible love, but to have it dwell within me and flow through me. I imagine it akin to trying to explain actual romantic love to an infatuated teen, simply beyond us.
And so into my broken and hurt life came this love. I did nothing to deserve it, but God blessed me immeasurably all the same. Just thinking about it makes my heart swell. As this holy, complete love began to spread through my heart and mind it simply washed away everything else. It came in and washed over all my pain and struggles as if they were nothing, as if they never even existed. Can you even begin to imagine that, a life without pain or suffering, simply love?
That is why love means more to me than life itself, for without love life is empty. There is a miracle that happened in my life a couple of months ago that I'd like to share with you, but I'd like to explain the full, incredible beauty of it, so I will do so in another post.
This incredible phrase, that 'love conquers all', embodies the very faith and hope of life itself. Found in a stunning latin phrase, 'amor vincit omnia', it is engraved on my heart and soul. It stands eternal and all-powerful. You do not even begin to understand life without this love. I am so grateful that it found and chose me, as imperfect and inadequate as I am.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Nothing can overcome this.
Jem.
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